paint my love...

Dear God,

I need someone to talk to about what's truly in my hear but I don't know who the right person is so here I am pouring my heart and soul to this entry. Actually I don't really want to talk to someone because I don't want to hurt anyone with this entry and I do not want anyone to give me their input.

Tears are falling down my eyes are I feel the "hurt feeling" fruit of yesterdays' memories and todays' haps. I keep crying about the same darn thing and maybe the person doing it doesn't even give a damn about it. I'm just too tired and I do not know what you want me to do so please guide me dear Father. Guide me with this because i need to let go of this pain, I need to let go of the memories of being hurt by someone. This is slowly eating me alive.

I am so confuse with the way my life had turned out. Many times I just want to throw my hands in the air and say "I give up". I am using work as a scape goat to the harsh reality of life, don't get me wrong I love what I do for a living, it is just that I do much of it to eat out the emptiness cause my failed personal relationship. I am trying to fill the void created by such relationship by working...working far too hard. It's like this part of my life needs attention and I am aware of it and yet I do not want to deal with it... I dont want to deal with it because I do not know how. I do not know which direction is right or if even acting upon it is right. With it comes to this, you got me totally confuse. But I hope you hear me with my prayers,I need direction and the strenght to act upon it. The truth is, not doing or saying anything is damaging my ability to live life to the fulliest as a human being. I feel cheated even mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. The problem is not just with him now, it is with me also. With me because I failed to act on things.

God, this entry is not just about complain. It is about my cry for guidance and forgiveness. Well, I know I don't have to write it out because you can hear my thoughts but I did it anyway just to get it out of my chest.

I am always grateful for all your blessings, sometimes I feel I don't deserve all of it but you give them to me anyway. I give you back all the glory and power dear Father.